All Summer...

Ya know, I'm not even going to bother trying to describe the past summer, as though I could "catch up" on blogging and somehow still be living up to the original purpose of the blog.  I shall just pick up again wherever I am at.  I worked at summer camp, and that is why I stopped blogging.  There.  So!  I've picked up painting again! =) I'm quite excited about it.  I still don't know if I want to post stuff to Facebook or here, though.  Facebook gets more traffic, but I suppose if my art is simply for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of close friends and family that are interested, it doesn't really matter where I post it.  I posted this piece on Facebook with the caption, "Sometimes I just really want to write a song or draw a picture... but nothing comes to mind. It's frustrating."

Is It Right? ...

Inspiration is a funny thing. It makes you want to do something. It gives you the ideas on how exactly to do something and makes you willing to give what it takes to accomplish it. But the thing is, it doesn't make it the correct thing to do. Inspiration is largely an emotional response and is thus prone to error, whether in the wanting or in the planning. So this is what I have been wondering...

My career choice is architecture. That is what I plan on doing with the majority of my working life. That's fine, that is probably what I shall do. But I want to do music too. Okay, that is okay too, a guy is entitled to a hobby or two. But I don't just want to write music for fun. I want to put on a show. Every time I go to a concert and see the polished product of fine musicianship and engineering, I get this feeling like, "I want to do that..." 

Perhaps it is overly-presumptuous to even think I have the ability and the slightest chance at that, but my self-confidence wasn't my purpose in this discourse. My question is: "Is it right for me to want that?" Being a Christian, it is my belief that God gave me the skills and talents that I have. Some Christians believe that means it is wrong to put on a show with them because it is "taking credit" for them as though it is our own accomplishment, thus downplaying God's role in it. Others believe glory can be given to God in their performance, and they make sure He receives the credit He deserves. (I am speaking, in this case, about generic, non-religious music. Leading praise music or doing a "Christian concert" is another matter entirely.)

So which is it? Is wanting to stand on a stage and perform wrong? Is it contrary to a Christ-like attitude to want to be famous? Ouch, perhaps it is. Though it could be argued that His purpose actually was to be famous, it just wasn't for self-serving purposes. So the attitude with which I go about it plays a huge role. Is it wrong, then, to enjoy being onstage? As a musician, I have spent a fair amount of time being onstage and have lost much of the stress and nervousness that one initially feels when first stepping into the focus of attention of any group of people.

I love making music, I love sharing emotions. That's what music is: sharing emotions. I share thoughts and ideas by writing, like I am doing now. I can evoke emotion in writing too, but music seems to lend itself to that so much more easily. (Just as music can communicate factual information as well, but writing is far more effective, I think.)

So if I go onstage with truly the sole desire of wanting to share the art form I love and have been given to work with for the enjoyment and betterment of others, that is right? But music manipulates emotion, that is how it works. So in actuality, I love to manipulate people's emotions. A good musician is a good manipulator. That makes it sound bad, doesn't it? I want to go up there and wield this power over my audience. Then again, it isn't wrong to have power or influence, it just means greater responsibility.

I think the answer to my question is in what I said before about how Jesus went about His life's work. It was unselfish. It was awesome, it was powerful, at times it was quite a show (I do not use this term to describe a lack of sincerity, only the extraordinary nature of His actions, specifically His miracles). But it was for the love of people, and the love of helping them.

If my purpose is to write music because I love it and to share it with people because I love them, then that is right.

P.S. I am still planning on being an architect. ;)
(edit) P.P.S. I changed that plan... now I'm going to be an Industrial Designer! =)

The Year...

Well this  school year has been quite a year... Which is to say: it has been nearly a complete school year. x) I am frantically trying to get my life together before the transition into the summer and my summer job. Unfortunately, recent events have added to the list of things to do. My car window was smashed in two weekends ago whilst I was away on a high school campout. Then last weekend, while I performed with the school's band and choir at a church, my laptop computer, cell phone, wallet, and miscellaneous hardware were stolen out of my backpack. Thankfully, most of the messes have been taken care of, but I still have to get a replacement driver's license and computer. More money. Woo. <=P

So now all of my personal projects have ground to a halt and I'm focusing on the important stuff now... Sort of. ;) I REALLY want to start making YouTube videos more regularly, but I can't without a computer! And it's really hard to film video blogs when there are other people around. I'm the type of person that doesn't even like talking on the phone when there are other people in the room! Hopefully I'll be able to do a bit more when I'm at university. Ah, speaking of which, my dorm roommate has been confirmed, and I am rooming with an old music friend I met a few years ago. I am quite excited as he and I have always seemed to have got along well and have similar interests. I am sure he will be more understanding of my merely hobbies than any of my family. It's a plan then! =) I'd also like to get back into making stuff in Blender and writing more music, but I suppose I can't do it all. I'll just have to decide what stuff to do regularly and what stuff to do as filler. This blog, for example, definitely needs to be on the "regular" list, which it shall be and is, sort of. Now that I can post stuff from my iPod whenever I've got a wi-fi connection, I should be able to post stuff more easily. Oh, I also have made a Twitter account! We'll see how that goes. Twitter seems to be geared more towards a more constant stream of ideas and comments in shorter form. I don't know. Are blogs supposed to be a weekly thing like my YouTube accounts? And Twitter is the everyday posts thing? And what about Facebook? No, forget Facebook. =P I am happy to read other people's stuff and post once in awhile when I've really got something to say, but for the most part, Facebook is an extra thing.

Hmm, time to finish some Street Law notes and then hit the hay, I am so tired.

Testing...

So I got an iPod. It's pretty awesome! =D It will take me awhile to learn to type very quickly without errors, but I'm sure I'll get it eventually. This should allow me to post here as well as make YouTube videos on the go... hopefully.

Regularly Sporadic...

(I had to look up how to spell "sporadic" in the dictionary because it just looked weird.  I suppose I've never written or typed the word before.)
Among the things I am reinstating in my life is the regular contribution to this blog.  My efforts in getting my YouTube channel up and running as well as other responsibilities have distracted me a bit.
Recently, my subconscious seems to be attempting to prepare me for college.  I have an urge to clean, to form good habits, and to trim out the things in my life that I'm not going to keep.  I think I'll have to go through my List again (previously referred to in "Vacation") and revise it.  I've been doing something of the sort in a more physical sense in my room.  Here is a picture of the bag of junk I have collected to throw out:

My room is not a big room, so this much junk was a bit of a surprise to me.  However, it gives me a sense of great accomplishment to be getting rid of this much in my room.  My closet looks AMAZING now and I'm working on cleaning out my dresser...  GoodWill is going to get a fair-sized donation in the next week or so, I think. =)
A significant thing I cut from my life this last week was a class: Spanish, consistently my worst grade.  I am SO relieved to not have that hanging over me.  I only wish I had been notified earlier that it was not a requirement to graduate.  Three semesters of the most difficult class for me to handle, down the drain.  But that's okay with me! =)  No more Spanish.  Woooooo!

Insomnia...

The solution is so simple.  So very simple.

Class Trip...

So I'm back!  I just returned from my senior class trip, on which only two of the participants were of my senior class; however, two-thirds of the senior class were on the trip.  (confused yet? ;)  It was a great trip!  It's hard for a trip to Fiji not to be great... unless you get sick, food-poisoning, stung by something, bitten by something, or eaten by something (or someone... cannibals used to inhabit Fiji).  Thankfully, I only got sick a little for one day and I was only bitten by a couple bugs and sea-lice.  (Sea lice are terrible!  You're happily floating on the surface of the warm water and then suddenly they attack you and try to eat you alive!  Feels like a swarm of little bugs biting you... which is essentially what it is, except they aren't bugs. x)
The trip was almost two weeks long so I don't know how much I want to recount here because it would take me awhile and I'm currently in the frantic process of picking up the slack I left in my schoolwork when I left on the trip.  I made some video blogs on my YouTube channel (very poorly made blogs, I might add... I'm more of a writer than a speaker) that recount some of my thoughts and feelings during my stay there.
The biggest thing I took away from the trip was the kindness of the people in Fiji, a kindness we don't have here in the United States (at least, not anyplace I've ever been here, and I've been around the country a bit).  Complete strangers will treat you in as friendly a manner as a friend, and many smiles and waves and simple gestures of acknowledgement are passed throughout the day.  This is something I want to try to continue here at home.  I am trying to make a conscious effort to keep a smile, or at least a friendly expression, on my face when around other people (I am told I can have a rather grim expression when I am concentrating) and always acknowledge another person's presence, stranger or not, with a smile, a wave, a nod, whatever seems appropriate (guys generally don't wave at strangers unless they, the strangers, are under the age of 10).
Fiji is a lovely place, apart from it's rather uncomfortable humidity.  Everything is so colorful and alive there, both in and out of water.  The jungles are dense and green, with all kinds of birds (and bats) in the trees and many plants I had never seen before.  My favorite plant was this thing called a "praying plant" (or something like that).  It's a bit like a small fern.  I was fascinated by this plant because of its ability to move.  I'm sure it's just some kind of biochemical reflex, but it is a thing of amazement to me to watch the plant fold up as though trying to hide when I touch or blow on its fronds.
No blog post is complete without at least a short rant of frustration at the end: I was very careful with my camera.  It survived two weeks in a very wet/humid/sandy/dirty/dangerous-for-electronics climate, and then I drop it as I step off the plane upon my arrival in Seattle, breaking the lens mechanism.  [facepalm] <-- if you'll pardon my internet expression. ;) oh, and while I'm complaining, I'm cold.