Well this is awkward. Here we are at the end of the year, so suddenly, and I've very little to show for it. Rather: I have very little to show literally, in the way of creative product or financial gain. I have, however, made significant progress in life—my place in life. In 2 days, on the first day of 2017, I'm getting married. This isn't actually the "progress" I mean, but it's more of a sign of the progress. A result of the progress. It's back to school with me, this time with a life partner, a goal, and a bit more experience under my belt. This time we'll do it. This time we'll finish it.
In addition to the challenges of a huge change in my life, responsibilities, geographic location, and social and familial circles, I have a resolution. People like to criticize and analyze resolution-making for the new year, but I'd like to think of my resolution as more of a small epiphany I had this evening. I've had it before, and I will hopefully have it again. The resolution is to have it more often—to make the habitual thoughts that will lead me to this place more frequently. This realization is that I am so. very. blessed. This isn't just a philosophical or religious statement, I'd like to think it is also a fairly pragmatic one. Regardless of your belief system, regardless of where you think good and bad things come from or how you define them, it is inarguable that you have a great many things that compose your life. They probably sit in varying degrees of "good" and "bad" on the scale that is your consciousness and can cause a great deal of conflict in your life. The reality is that there is an order to those things, and some sit higher on the scale than others. Perhaps you're a fairly negative person. Perhaps you have trouble seeing the "good" things. Maybe then, for you, finding the "less bad" things is the first step.
I tend to be quite an anxious person. This is probably true of most people, and everyone feels that "no, really, I get especially stressed." Again, this is relative. My stress is relative. The challenges I face are a size. They are big. They are small. They are entirely dependent on psychological context, and I get to choose that context. I'm afraid of the things I haven't quite finished before the wedding. I'm afraid of going back to school—an endeavor I absolutely failed at not long ago and remember terrifyingly vividly. I'm afraid of being responsible for another person, my soon-to-be wife. Lots of fear. In the context of the fatigue and the incessant lack of time and the complications in tasks and the expectations of my peers and superiors and the necessities of life and the expenses of domestic living... well, there I go, I've stressed myself out again. But... I'm getting married. To my best friend. And now we get to create a home. Our home. We have family and friends that love us and have provided an incredible amount of support. I get a new shot at school. I learned a lot from last time, and I also learned a few things during my time off that help me contextualize its purpose and motivate myself. I will do today as well as I can, and then I will do tomorrow.
